Faith and Doubt: John Newton, Rector
A couple of weeks ago we read in the gospel the story of Jesus walking on the Sea of Galilee. It was early in the morning, the first glimmer of the sun's light just beginning to break over the eastern hills. The disciples had been battling for hours to keep their boat afloat, when through the spray they saw a ghostly figure approaching them on the lake-perhaps death itself coming to claim them.
They cried out in fear. But the voice they heard in response was a familiar one. "Lord, if it really is you," Peter replied, "tell me to come out to you on the water." Before Jesus had uttered a word, Peter was already climbing over the gunwale and walking towards him. Then he looked around and saw the impossibility of what he was doing. He was barely able to get the words out, "Lord save me!" before he began to go under. As Jesus reached out and caught him on the way down, he said to him, "You of little faith, why did you doubt?"
It seems to me that Peter's brief experience on the water is descriptive of much of Christian discipleship. It is always a mixture of faith and doubt, although often in varying proportions. Sometimes we seem to have that faith that would move mountains and doubt seems almost non-existent. At other times we find ourselves with the desperate father at the foot of the mount of the transfiguration crying aloud, "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"
There are some people who claim that we should never doubt. Yet that is not something I find in Scripture. The apostle Paul reminds us that we walk by faith, not by sight (2 Corinthians 5:7), like looking into a poor reflection in a dusky mirror (1 Corinthians 13:12). Even after the resurrection, with Jesus standing before them, there were some among the disciples who still doubted (Matthew 28:17).
There will always be things that cause us to question aspects of our faith. Yet those very doubts can be the means of growing stronger in faith, as we wrestle honestly with them and bring them to the Lord. They may even help us to discover areas where our faith has been misplaced.
The Bible does not condemn us for the doubts that creep into our minds. What it does condemn is hardness of heart. But that is an altogether different thing. Hardness of heart involves a deliberate decision to turn against God. From my own observation, it has little to do with the intellectual questions that can trouble our minds, although it may often use them as a foil.
In its essence, hardness of heart is a moral condition, a refusal to let God be God in any sense in my life. The danger of it is that it can lead to greater and greater hardness, until we have sealed ourselves in a virtually impenetrable shell. The classic example in Scripture is, of course, Pharaoh. Yet the prophets warned that what happened to Pharaoh could just as easily happen to the people of Israel-indeed did happen from time to time.
Praise God that he is able to turn hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26). And when doubts do assail us, may we cling to the assurance that God is able to work all things together for our good, and that while there may be times when he seems far away, there is in reality nothing that can separate us from his love.
